Unwanted healing
by Jaylie's Ink
Summary: It's Christmas, River is hurt but she doesn't want to be healed...


This is my Christmas gift ( _late_ Christmas gift) for Professor_river_who :) I'll hope you'll enjoy it !

It's probably not as elaborate as I wanted to though...

Many thanks to seriesluv who beta read it !

* * *

\- Gosh, Doctor, when I tell you that's fine, I mean it!

\- But it's Christmas Eve! A _family_ Christmas Eve! You won't enjoy it with that blaster!

\- Well, I wouldn't have got it if you hadn't «expressed your opinion» to that Sanukuma in the first place!

Amy and Rory were listening to the conversation that was going on into the TARDIS that had landed in the middle of their dining room. They had prepared everything: the snowy decoration, the tree and the table were ready. They were taking care of the toasts in the kitchen when they heard the TARDIS but an argument had apparently broke out between the Doctor and their daughter.

Speaking of which, the door opened brutally and River stepped straight to them, directly followed by the Doctor that was still talking.

\- That's _exactly_ why you should let me do it! Let me make it up to you!

But she was pretending not to hear what he said. She hugged her parents.

\- Mum, Dad ! I'm so glad to see you.

\- You look wonderful, Amy replied.

River was wearing a long dark red dress with long sleeves. Her hair was tied in a bun and a discreet necklace was resting on her neckline.

\- Thank you.

\- Doctor ! Rory said. You… do you need help ?

\- Nah, that's okay, he replied, his head turned towards his neck while he was trying to attach his golden bowtie.

Amy rolled her eyes and smiled before helping him.

\- Ah, what would I do without my Scottish girl ?

They hugged and Rory went to the kitchen to get champagne.

\- So, what's going on ? Are you hurt, Melody ? Amy asked.

\- No!

\- Yes!

They had answered at the same time. River glared at the Doctor before turning back to Amy.

\- I'm absolutely fine. It's just a scratch. Will be healed in a matter of days.

\- Yeah, if a one-inch-deep wound that crosses your abdomen is what you call a "scratch", the Doctor replied.

\- What ?

Amy frowned worried eyebrows while Rory was coming back with the glasses.

\- Oh, thank you dad, now can we move forward to a more interesting conversation ?

River grabbed a glass and drank it up.

\- What are _you_ talking about, Doctor ? Amy asked with an angry voice. You're supposed to take care of her!

\- Well, I guess I have to go get another glass, Rory mumbled with River's emply one in a hand.

\- Seriously, mum? River asked with a sceptical look.

\- I want to give her some regeneration energy, the Doctor defended himself.

\- Well, do it! Amy answered.

\- She doesn't want to!

\- Oh, he's not gonna lay a finger on me!

\- That's really you saying this? the Doctor said with a smile.

\- Oh, you, shut up! she replied, but she couldn't help a smile either.

\- So, can we have dinner now? Rory asked, bringing a new glass.

They spent the dinner without arguing anymore. In fact, the atmosphere became quickly very peaceful and Christmas-like when Amy turned the music on. It had been a while since they'd last met all together so there was a lot to say. Amy begged for the Doctor to take them somewhere for Christmas day, which he couldn't refuse. They drank and laughed and ate and played games and for once, on that beautiful evening, they really felt like a normal, happy family.

Well, almost normal.

At some point, they all stood up and started to undress the table. While Rory was doing the dishes, the Doctor found River watching pictures on the walls – pictures of her parents with her previous incarnation, Mels.

\- It feels like an eternity ago, she sighed.

\- You didn't change much, though.

She looked at him.

\- I have the feeling you're about to be arrogant, she said with challenging eyes.

\- Well, still love guns, still obsessed with me…

She hit him on the chest and he smiled.

\- I'm wondering who's the more obsessed, Doctor. And yes, I'm referring to that night when you couldn't…

\- River! the Doctor said, looking around them and blushing suddenly. We're in you parent's house!

\- Oh, you weren't so prude at the time.

She had a diabolic smile on the face. He felt even more embarrassed, which was certainly her purpose. He decided to change the subject.

\- What about that wound?

\- Don't change the subject.

Crap.

\- River, honey… he said with a soft voice.

\- Oh, don't «honey» me, Doctor! she replied. I'm not going to say yes and you know it.

She had crossed her arms. It wasn't a good sign.

\- But it's ridiculous ! You'd be healed in a matter of seconds !

\- I heal fast enough. I'm a Time Lady, remember?

\- Half a Time Lady, he argued. You don't heal as fast as me. And I saw how that thing hit you. I know it hurts.

She rolled her eyes. She was really getting mad.

\- You're impossible, Doctor ! Why are you always so stubborn?

\- Are you really talking about stubbornness? Because…

But the Doctor realized they had a public and he turned toward Amy and Rory.

\- Oh, sorry, he said. We should probably…

But Amy looked at something above them, some decorative plant that was hanging there.

\- What ? he asked, confused. River was too.

\- That's a mistletoe, Rory answered. Don't you know what it is ?

They both shook their heads. Rory smiled and looked at Amy who smiled too.

\- What's going on ? River asked with curiosity. She didn't seem angry anymore.

\- It's a human tradition, Rory said. When you are under mistletoe with someone you like, you're supposed to kiss them.

\- Oh, the Doctor said, looking back at River.

What a nice way to end their argument.

\- Well, too bad I don't like you, she said.

But her tone had become playful and he knew she was just teasing him. He smiled as she was heading to the couch, wondering how he was going to attract her back under that plant. Who said humans couldn't be clever ?

Amy had proposed to watch a Christmas movie, and everyone had agreed. However, they all had started to fall asleep at the middle of the film, rocked by the warmness of the fire in the corner. All of them, except the Doctor. Amy was laid on Rory's laps who had a hand on her waist and his head thrown back. River had rested her head on the Doctor's shoulder. He had slipped a hand behind her back and her legs were folded up on the couch. Her hair was tickling his neck, but it didn't matter. He wasn't really watching the movie anymore; he was thinking and occasionally smelling a deep breath of his wife's perfume. It was nice to be there, surrounded by a loving family. It was rare in the Doctor's life and he knew it wouldn't last long, so he was trying to enjoy it the fullest. He looked down at River, remembering the great and terrible day he met her. And then he stopped because it was too painful and his hearts couldn't bare it.

And yet she was so peaceful.

So unaware.

\- River… he whispered, no to call her but because he knew there was some things he needed to tell her and it might be easier to do it when she wasn't listening.

And the words came to his mind, danced before his eyes, slipped on his tongue but refused to be pronounced.

Too painful.

\- River, he sighed, hoping she would understand just in the way he said her name.

"Someday", he promised, and he gently kissed her hair.

But then she moved to be a little closer to him and she grimaced in pain.

Oh, her words could convince him sometimes, but that… he was asked too much.

He circled her in his arms in a delicate hug, wondering if it would wake her up, and he let the energy flowing out of his hands.

It was a strange feeling : it hurt because something was teared apart from him; but somehow it was also pleasant. He was happy to be able to give her something back, even if it was nothing compared to what she gave him, even if it was against her will. It felt good to heal her, to take care of her. She deserved it so bad. He wished he could give her so much more.

She wasn't wakening but she seemed to relax, so he went on until he was sure every visible wound would be erased. When he finished, she opened her eyes.

The troubles were totally coming.

She blinked and turned towards him, confused.

\- Sweetie ?

\- Hush, your parents are asleep, he whispered.

But it didn't distract her. She straightened, touched her belly, and understood. She looked back at him and there was no anger in her eyes. She was terribly disappointed and sad and – strangely – ashamed.

\- You didn't… she murmured.

This time, the Doctor took the time to look her in the eyes, to show her he meant what he was about to say.

\- You gave up all your regenerations for me, River. How can you expect me not to ?

But she shook her head and stood up, delivering herself from his hug.

\- You don't owe me anything, Doctor! Not one single thing, do you understand?

Her voice was shaking. The Doctor followed her in the dining room, wondering why she was getting so emotional.

\- I'm your husband! Why won't you let me take care of you? What's wrong about that?

She had crossed her arms, looking at everything except him. The Doctor stood in front of her, determinate to figure out what she wasn't telling him.

\- I don't need saving. I had asked you to let me heal by myself, and you…

\- River. Please, tell me the truth.

She still wouldn't look at him. She looked so nervous and vulnerable, miles away from his familiar super-confident River. He stepped close enough to touch her, but he didn't, afraid it would interrupt her.

\- I need you to keep that regeneration energy, Doctor, she said with a serious, but still fragile voice. I've… I've killed you twice. You don't imagine how much it still haunts me. And now you want to give me that energy. You don't seem to realize how important you are and how bad it is that I'm around you. You can't heal me, your… your almost murderer, because you need to keep it for yourself. Because the Universe needs the Doctor _so_ badly.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He took her face in his hands and she finally set her eyes full of tears on him.

\- And _I_ need _you_ , which makes you even more important.

She searched his gaze, trying to figure out if he was being honest.

\- You saved my time many times, River Song. And you make this life so… so colourful and fun, and beautiful and brilliant when you're around me. You make it worth to be lived. So don't you dare think I'm not going to save you too. You're not a bad person.

Tears were now rolling down her cheeks and he swept them away with his thumbs. He could see how much it cost her to tell him what was on the inside, and how much she needed to hear what he just said. But that was the purpose of Christmas, wasn't it?

\- I'm afraid you're heading into something disastrous, Doctor. Peaceful for some time, you don't suspect a thing, but there's a waterfall at the end.

\- Funny, he whispered, diving his hand in her curls, I could never resist the call of the river.

He felt her resigned smile under his lips while she was putting a hand on his neck. It was a delicate, delicious kiss. The mistletoe was just above them. It was definitely one of his favourite human tradition now.

And deep down, he knew she was right, the waterfall was getting closer. But the river, oh the river was so warm and soft, he knew it was worth all the risks.


End file.
